Jokes anyone? ..think they're funny?

by admin on August 19, 2010

1 A farmer who’s been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. "I understand you’re claiming damages for the injuries you’re supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company. "Yes, that’s right," replied the farmer, nodding his head. "You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, ‘I’ve never felt better inn my life.’ Is that the case?" "Yeah, but" stammered the farmer. "A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly. "Yes," Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer’s counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said. "Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?"

2 A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

3 The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk" The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I’m sure," said the copper. "Let’s go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That’s a relief – I thought I was a cripple."

4 A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma’am," explained the officer, "it’s your foot."

5 During a flood in a small Ohio town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy. As they sat watching articles float along with the water, they noticed a baseball cap float by. Suddenly, the cap turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, it turned again and came back. "Do you see that baseball cap?" said the girl. "First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back." "Oh, that’s my dad," replied the boy. "This morning he said that come hell or high water, he was going to cut the grass today."

6 "Dad," said Rickey, "what is electricity?" "Uh," replied his father, "I don’t really know too much about electricity." A few minutes later the boy said, "How does gas make the engine go?" "Son, I’m afraid I don’t know much about motors." "Dad," said the boy, "what is anthropology?" "Anthropology?" The father frowned. "I really don’t know." "Gee, Dad, I guess I’m making a nuisance of myself." "Not at all, son. If you don’t ask questions, you’ll never learn anything."
"Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions," said the father. "I’d like to know what would have happened if I’d asked as many questions when I was a boy." "Perhaps," said the boy, "you’d’ve been able to answer some of mine."

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Brainz August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Oh,my gosh! Those were hilarious! Thanks for sharing!!!.

E August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

some where a little 2 long, but they are ok.

~brandy~ August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

lol I love all these! Made my day!

Stop The Brutality August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

1st one made me laugh. The rest were pretty good.

Nuff said August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

Not to bad. I agree with Stop. First was funny as hell. Rest were ok.

blah ;) August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

im sorry but you fail.

ThaKween August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

they were nice, but i didnt get the 4th one

Ally August 19, 2010 at 7:07 pm

the first one is great. the rest are pretty good, i guess. just very long!!

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